Letting go

It's so very hard for most of us to let go of anything. We like our cars, we like our appliances, our game consoles, our computers, our biceps, triceps and our abs and we love the people who love us or makes us feel good. It's very hard to let go of the things we love.

We even love our enemies, we love to hate the things we hate, we love our life crisis, our problems, our deadlines and most people love their jobs, even when they hate to do the work. It's just as hard to let go of the things that we hate.

We cling to all the things that makes our human existence human. The work and the toil and the feeling of being a difference for someone somewhere at any time.

But what if all this clinging to stuff is holding us back? What if our idea of being human is less than it could be, just because we cling to things?

Usually we're held back by the things we cling to. They fill every waking hour of our lives and we have gotten used to living a todo-list-life. Even our holidays are packed with todo's and agendas. It's so very hard to just stop doing anything and just being in the moment and enjoying it. It seems like none of really think we deserve to be free and happy, unless we put in the work to earn it. And when we finally get to be free and happy, we choose to put our freedom into a well organized schedule.

Some years ago I got the job I always wanted. That happened more than once, actually. My pay was enourmous, but so was the hours and the workload. And suddenly I realized that all the extra money just meant that I lived way more expensive than I used to. When I realized that the job that I wanted, wasn't really something I wanted to do, I quit and my pay was reduced to the bare minimum. And i found myself with enormous amounts of time on my hand. The first months I enjoyed it immensely. I read all the books that I hadn't had time to read before. I even spent an entire month seeing every episode of every season of tv-shows like Dr. House, Angel, Boston Legal and every movie I missed the last 10 years. And then I ran out of anything to do.

My todolist was empty. And I felt like crap. I mean, having lived a life where I defined by self and my worth in terms of accomplished deadlines and todo's, there suddenlys wasn't anything in my life worthwhile. And at first it made me feel like crap.

And then I realized: I was held prisoner by ideas and values that weren't even mine. I couldn't let go of the things that I had clung to so hard. And it pissed me off. Being able to do what I want, when I wanted to and go where I wanted when I wanted, should be a blessing, but it felt like a curse.

I've let go of almost every need. I still need to eat, drink and sleep. But the only reason I need a job is to get paid, so that I can pay rent and buy food. But everything else is now "nice to have" and not "need to have". And I don't have very many things.

And now, I am always doing something that I love, just because I love it. I wake up in the morning and write a post like this, or I wake up and just sit in the morning sun feeling its warmth, or I wake up and do something completely unexpected. Suddenly there's almost no agenda to my life and every days is more exciting because of it.

It's freedom baby, and its hard to get by unless you let go. And let's face it, most people loooove the prison they created for them selves. I know I did. And there's probably still a lot of chains that hold me prisoner, but there are a lot less chains than before. And I'm getting really close to being entirely without chains.
So, because you probably love your prison, I will not even contemplate telling you to get out or let go. Besides, you probably don't have the balls to take what comes with freedom. You see, when you're free there's no one to tell you what to do, and that makes you totally responsible for everything that you do.

So do you? Have the balls to live free?